311,096 notes

saddestblogger:

arousedhoe:

saddestblogger:

arousedhoe:

hey does anyone know the fastest way to clean up milk that’s covering every goddamn i nch of the  kitchen floor

i know a gal……she’s on her way

thanks

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91,372 notes

divergent-dragon:

surprisebitch:

goopy-amethyst:

isa-ghost:

mimiloverfox:

onehundredpuppies:

magnumpicactus:

merryfuckincolours:

magnumpicactus:

pikaglove:

magnumpicactus:

magnumpicactus:

Oh yeah hey guys I had an actual chat with a pornbot

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I’M SCREAMING!!!!

Yeeeeee

Holy fuck

I told you.

I’m screaming

Pornbots: become human!!!

SHE WENT DEVIANT

Hope she doesn’t get fired for sharing the truth

PORNBOTS: BECOME HUMAN

PORNBOTS: BECOME HUMAN!!


94,714 notes

theocseason4:

I am LOSING my mind this is so funny




107,003 notes

oberynmartell:

tumblr staff has small [CENSORED] energy



45,119 notes

volcanize:

coochieneck:

rn it feels like Tumblr is a big ass parking lot and everybody just got out the club asking “what yall bout to do”

this is… oddly specific and accurate 


55,964 notes

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

woundedtoaster:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

ask me about the difference between leopard/cheetah/jaguar print, it’s my field of expertise 

What is the difference? Please learn me a thing

cheetahs got dots! little dot dots i want to bop

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leopards got filling. it’s cheetah 2.0. Cheetah on meth. look at that leopard shit. 

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then there’s jaguar. Jaguar is madness. it took leopard print & decided wait. what if–MAW DOTS. it’s just leopard print with dots in the middle, it’s chaos

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look at this bullshit

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i’m angry just looking at it

so in ascending order: Cheetah < Leopard < Jaguar

C.L.J. someone come up with weird mnemonic for that, i’ve done enough work for you greedy bastards


194,718 notes

libertarirynn:

thewugtest:

sad-gay-potato:

thewugtest:

if youve never physically been in the presence of like, a real live wolf, and you probably wont get the chance to, heres some stuff about them you should know

  • a wolf’s fur is so unbelievably thick that you can get like, your whole hand into it while petting. and then you can keep going
  • wolves are a lot bigger than you think they are. think about how big you think a wolf is then just like double that
  • they dont really smell like dog but they DO smell and youre not going to be able to figure out if its a good smell or not
  • a wolf really wants to lick the inside of your mouth. he will not stop trying to lick the inside of your mouth at any cost, and generally speaking you need to press your lips together kind of tightly when he approaches your face so that he doesnt worm his damn tongue in there to give you what he thinks is an appropriate greeting
  • a wolf doesnt really want to look at you while you pet him but he wants you to pet him. hes embarrassed
  • if a grown ass wolf decides to lay down on you, you just have to deal with it and thats your life now
  • young wolves, much like young dogs, are overwhelmingly goofy and stupid. a teenage wolf will see your very fragile, very human shoulder and go “i can probably step on that with my full weight” and then he will do it
  • letting a wolf eat out of your hand is actually not remotely frightening, and youll want to do it all day

I wanna know who did this research.

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well, i did!

Lorge wild doggo


29,687 notes

ashleyjizzdale:

daddyhaught:

Guess who’s gay and depressed and wants mozzarella sticks

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